i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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