Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
