I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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