fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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