I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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