I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
