I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
