Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize