well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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