4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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