I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
