Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize