just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm getting married
To pizza
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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