I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
