hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I faked an abortion last night.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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