yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
