Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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