I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
