if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
