Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
only if we run a train.
done.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
