So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
