so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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