Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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