New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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