Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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