You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
