Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
