i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize