Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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