I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
