Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
