After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We're too hungover to prance.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
