:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize