Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
and she was petting her beer can
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
