I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
