Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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