I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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