saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
