it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
