we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
