does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
