Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
