He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
