worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
