oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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