I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
