I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
