yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
