So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
