If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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