I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize