If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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