there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
