Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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