Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize