i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
