I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
