We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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