Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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