I could have mohawked her pubes.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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