Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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