I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
