Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
