you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
