am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
