What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
