I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
