tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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