I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
