jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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