No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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