dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
