p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
