"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
