forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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