idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
