I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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