we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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