Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
We're facebook friends in real life
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
