The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize