plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
