I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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