Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
