Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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