saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
