the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
