you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
