So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
