I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize