i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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