You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
