I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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