i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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