Someone shit on the floor
I showed him my bush... on skype.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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